Paycheck: An Odyssey

So I wanted to vent about why I am in a sour mood, but instead, I will write a play about it.

ACT ONE:

EMILY is at the HUMAN RESOURCES department at TRINITY UNIVERSITY. She is speaking to the receptionist at the desk. She is ANNOYED because her paycheck that covers a MONTH of lifeguarding is ONE WEEK LATE, and she has checked for it EVERY DAY THIS WEEK starting from last FRIDAY, which was PAY DAY.

EMILY: Do you have my lifeguarding paycheck?
RECEPTIONIST: I don't know...let me check.

The receptionist disappears into another room for 7-10 minutes before reappearing.


RECEPTIONIST: What was your name again?
EMILY: Emily.

The RECEPTIONIST disappears again before returning about five minutes later.

RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry, it doesn't seem to be here. You are a lifeguard?
EMILY: Yes.
RECEPTIONIST (going through files): Well, it says that you should have a paycheck here...
EMILY: (weak laugh)
RECEPTIONIST: Let me call my friend, Other HR worker. (calls other HR WORKER)
HR WORKER: Yes?
RECEPTIONIST: This girl....
EMILY: Emily.
RECEPTIONIST: This girl Emily needs her paycheck.
HR WORKER: Okay. What's your name again?
EMILY: Emily M.
HR WORKER: (goes through files, assisted by RECEPTIONIST) Emily...ah, here you are. It says that you should have a paycheck here. Let me see if it was picked up.
RECEPTIONIST: (goes to check more files) It doesn't say it was picked up here...
HR WORKER: (looks at random piece of paper) Oh, look, apparently this girl from the athletics picked up all the athletics paychecks. She just didn't sign for them in the right place. Let me call the director of athletics.

HR WORKER is on the phone for a long time with the DIRECTOR OF ATHLETICS.


HR WORKER: Yes...yes...okay. Oh, so you got one paycheck? Yes, of course Emily can come down to the pool. She'll be right there. (HR WORKER hangs up the phone) Okay, Emily, can you go down to the lifeguarding pool right now to talk to the head guard?
EMILY: Well, I'm kind of at work right now, they just let me down here to pick up a check.
HR WORKER: This won't take more than ten minutes.
EMILY: Okay.

ACT TWO:
EMILY is down at the pool to speak with the HEAD GUARD.


EMILY: Hello!
HEAD GUARD: Hi! How did you get in here?
EMILY: I used the key.
HEAD GUARD: Oh right! You work here!
EMILY: Right. Do you have my paycheck?
HEAD GUARD: No. The director of athletics does.
EMILY. Well, she said that you did.
HEAD GUARD. That's strange. Let me call her.

EMILY and HEAD GUARD go down from the pool into the lifeguarding office. The HEAD GUARD calls the DIRECTOR OF ATHLETICS. 


Head Guard: Yes, yes...no, you never gave me Emily's paycheck. Just the other guard's. No...I don't have it. Okay, I'll wait here while you go check. (HEAD GUARD puts his hand over the receiver to talk to EMILY) Sorry this is taking so long. She is just going to check the boss's box to see if it was delivered there.
EMILY: Okay.
HEAD GUARD: You know, you would save yourself a lot of hassle if you had direct deposit.
EMILY: Well, my checkbook is at home right now.
HEAD GUARD: Oh okay. Well, just call the bank for your info, and fill out a direct deposit form.
EMILY: Okay, well maybe I'll do that next time.
HEAD GUARD. Yeah.

A SILENCE ensues for about TEN MINUTES. HEAD GUARD tries to make WEAK CONVERSATION with EMILY.


HEAD GUARD: So...what are you doing this weekend?
EMILY: Lifeguarding.

HEAD GUARD suddenly pays attention to the PHONE again. 


HEAD GUARD: Oh okay. Yes. I'll tell her. Emily. Yes. (hangs up) Okay, so can you hang around here for like fifteen minutes?
EMILY: Well, I kind of have to get back to work.
HEAD GUARD: Are you sure?
EMILY: Yes....is there any way you could email or call me if you get it figured out?
HEAD GUARD: Yes, I will text you.
EMILY: Thank you.

ACT THREE:

EMILY is sitting in her office at work when she suddenly receives a phone call from the HEAD GUARD. 


HEAD GUARD: Hello, Emily!
EMILY: Hi!
HEAD GUARD: Are you still here?
EMILY: I'm...at work.
HEAD GUARD: Well, can you go to Human Resources and fill out a duplicate paycheck request form?
EMILY: Yes, I can do that.
HEAD GUARD: We don't know where your paycheck is.
EMILY: Okay.
HEAD GUARD: We're sorry about that.
EMILY: Okay. Thank you.

EMILY hurries over to HUMAN RESOURCES and talks to the RECEPTIONIST.


EMILY: I need a duplicate request form, please.
RECEPTIONIST: You mean a duplicate paycheck request form?
EMILY: Yes. That.
RECEPTIONIST: You'll have to talk to the HR BOSS for that.
EMILY: Okay. (goes to talk to HR BOSS)
HR BOSS: What do you need?
EMILY: I need a duplicate paycheck request form, please.
HR BOSS: Sure, let me get one. Did you lose your paycheck? (searches through various folders)
EMILY: I did not lose my paycheck.
HR BOSS: When did you lose it?
EMILY: I did not lose it. Apparently Human Resources gave it away to someone in the athletics department who didn't sign in the right place, and now the athletics department doesn't know where it is.
HR BOSS: All right, here you go. (gives EMILY the request form) You know, you really should be more careful with your paychecks in the future.
EMILY: Okay. (fills out form) Here it is.
HR BOSS: Thank you. This will take a few days to register, but we will email you when we're done. You should pick up your paycheck on time next time.
EMILY: Okay. (leaves office sans paycheck)

Creative Poetry Exercises

I recently "stumbleupon'd" a list of creative exercises that you can do to practice writing poetry, so I thought I would try it. Advance warning: I am not a poet. The last poem I remember writing was in lower school when we had to write about things we loved, so I wrote about rainbows, candy, and chocolate. And my family, I think.

Here is the link to the site that I found.

English 50 – Intro to Creative Writing: Exercises for Poets


Your First Lines


1. The King James Bible has long been recognized for its importance to English literature. Choose a verse from the Bible and write your own poem with the Bible verse as the first line. You can use the blank verse of the Bible as a basis for developing rhythm, the subject matter of the verse to develop theme and metaphor.

(I used my favorite verse for this one, Romans 5:20)

But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound,

And so everybody enjoyed a few minutes of grace

And they saw that God did love everyone,

And everyone loved everybody else.

And you finally saw real peace

Right up until Romans 6.

Then it left again.

2.  Take a line from someone else's poem, presumably one you admire, and use it as the first line for your own poem, again adapting rhythm, subject matter, metaphor.

(line taken from "Resquiescat," by Oscar Wilde)

Heap earth upon it

So that they grow deep

And stretch their weak limbs

Into rifts of the

Dark earthy soil,

Saturated, ripe.

Ready to surge up,

With torrents of buds,

They rise, sing, swell, burst

Flooding the ruin

And dust and decay

So nothing is dead,

No, not anymore.

3. Take a sentence or phrase from a novel or short story or essay that you think is striking and make it the first sentence of a poem. 

(Line from Silence of the Lambs, Thomas Harris)

Some of our stars are the same

If not the time of day,

Or the temperature outside,

Or the lunches we had yesterday,

Or the race of our parents

Or the color of our hair

Or the languages we speak

Or the fountains of knowledge we possess

(And our pearls of wisdom)

Or where we are today

Or where we will be tomorrow.

And if you are on the other side of the world

Our stars are not the same,

But go outside

When it's clear

And dark

And look at the moon.

I see it, too.

4. Look in your journal for a line or striking image and make it the first line of a poem. Don't forget to consider lines and phrases from letters you've received, email messages, phrases you're heard in conversations, movies, songs, anything to get started. If the poem goes well, you'll end up dropping the "borrowed" first line.

Twenty years and twenty days later,

I found myself sitting and writing

Second-rate poetry

On a blog that has eleven followers

And I wondered where I will be in twenty years and twenty days from now

Once my lifespan has doubled,

Or forty years and forty days from now.

And I got scared.

I then remembered how, yesterday (a Sunday),

I woke up at eight in the morning

And took the bus to the grocery store

And then I brought my groceries home and put them in the fridge,

And then took the bus to work,

And I felt a little better. 

Ceci n'est pas une pipe; c'est un gateau

So I had this dream last night where I was going to take a Shakespeare course in the fall, as well as piano, both taught by the same professor. I had not had this professor before, but I talked to her a few times about my courses, and I thought we would get along very well. She taught a summer course on Shakespeare, too, which was how I was able to meet her, since I work at Trinity. (it was a very elaborate dream) At the end of every course she taught, she had this "Shakespeare party" in which everybody would come to class and she would bring food and cake and we would watch films of Shakepeare plays. She told me about it, and apparently several of my friends were in her class over the summer, so I thought I would drop by during the party and get some cake and talk to people. We'll call this professor Dr. T.

(n.b., if I know these professors in real life, I didn't remember it in the dream, nor did I remember it when I woke up. So I'm just giving them random initials, but don't read into them or anything)

Well, in this dream, I was taking another course over the summer about Shakespeare from another professor (Dr. D), and when I went to the party, she was there as well. I was talking to a dear friend who is a Shakespearephile and was taking this Shakespeare course from Dr. T over the summer at Trinity, and Dr. D suddenly stood up and said very coldly, "Were you invited to this party, Emily?" I shook my head no, and she said, "Did you even let Dr. T know that you were coming?"
"Yes," I said, "I sent an email last Friday. I thought she was okay with it." Down at the other end of the table, Dr. T nodded.
"Get out." Dr. D replied calmly. She pointed to the door. "Now. Out."

So I left the Shakespeare party, and my dream sort of turned into this thing where I was Maria from The Sound of Music.


However, I digress. The point is, I sadly left the Shakespeare party, and I didn't get any cake.

I read this other blog recently that had lots of blogging ideas, and one of them was to write down all of your dreams and analyze them. That would get kind of boring for this blog, because I don't really dream that often. But I thought that maybe since this dream was so vivid, I should analyze it. So here's what I came up with:

1. There was a pink cake in the dream. Pink means girls, so I came to the conclusion that I am a girl.
2. I also came to the conclusion that I really want cake, because the cake looked so delicious in the dream.
3. I learned that I am an English major. This is because the dream was centered around Shakespeare parties, and lots of English majors read Shakespeare.
4. I think I also has some sort of prophetic ability, because today at work, I learned of a party that I'm supposed to go to, which is for the University Communications office. University Communications = TU press = writing = English major. Clearly the two parties are related. I will be most pleasantly surprised if there is pink cake at the party this evening.

Let me know if any of you guys want your dream analyzed. I may start charging, but the first couple of weeks will be free.

Also, I will edit pictures for a small fee if anybody needs that, either.

My Birthday: A Sign of my Rising Maturity Level

It was my birthday last week, and I turned TWENTY!!!! The magical age of not-yet-drinking but already-voting and, most importantly, finally-done-with-being-a-teenager. Has anyone ever in the history of the English language used the word "teenager" in a positive sense? Nope. That's because it is actually physically impossible. If you try, you literally spontaneously combust.

I would like to list some things about being a teenager in defense of my former people:

1. Teenagers are flexible-- old people often complain about how things move too quickly, they can't keep up with all this new technology, etc. Well, somebody has to. Guess who that group is?

2. Adults-- you try going to school every day, from eight till three, and then sports afterwards, then homework. Granted, you've already done that. Try it again now. See how easy it is. 

2. a) Try going to school every day during the workweek without being able to do adult things, like driving or drinking legally or eating whatever you want for lunch.

2. b) And don't say "I wish someone would make my lunch for me every day like my parents used to." Remember, you're saying this with an adult perspective. You haven't yet come to understand that this could be seen as a luxury, and this understanding only comes with age, and it only comes too late. Just like every other person of any age in the world, you only want what you don't have: in the case of a teenager, it's freedom to do what you want. In the case of an adult, it's freedom to have other people do things for you. 

3. Teenagers tend to have a more idealistic approach to the world. That is a very good thing, because you need idealists to get anywhere. Without having people that actually think everything can and will and should get better one day, nothing would ever happen.

4. You need teenagers to get adults. Whatever a teenager goes through will be what he/she takes into his/her adult life. 

Well, I am done with all that now, but I'm still halfway through my college life and sans full-time job. I have no idea what I will do when I graduate from college, although I hope it's something English-y. I got several birthday cards congratulating me on another step towards maturity. That was scarier than anything. I really hope I'm not supposed to be mature. I mean, there's a time and a place for everything. But while hanging out with some friends over the past weekend, we were cutting up a chicken and giggling a little about the fact that we got a each chicken "breast." Heehee. Funny. We r 10 yrs old.

Not that I would be giggling about that if I was cutting up a chicken at work, or in a class. I wouldn't crack a smile. The thought wouldn't even cross my mind (I would probably be wondering why I am cutting up a chicken in work or in class). If being mature is knowing how to act in different situations, then I am pretty okay at that. Even if I'm not great at all situations, I can adapt to my surroundings, and talk to people in the manner that they seem to prefer of me. I prefer to blend in when I am somewhere unfamiliar. But, if being mature is acting like a portrait adult at all times and places, then I am not very good at that. I am reluctant to give up my sparkly black converse shoes with rainbow shoelaces, or my four rings (including a fun puzzle ring) that I keep on my hands at all time. I like giggling when there's something immature to giggle at, and I feel that it may be allowed (or possibly even acceptable-- such as when I am with a few close friends). I am working on the important things, like being responsible for my bank account and using the bus system this summer to get to my two jobs. And I love a good intellectual conversation about books or movies or religion or abstract ideas. I could dissect The Dark Knight for you here and now and explain to you every symbol of chaos and order I found in the entire film, and that would take a while.

I also like grammar. Grammar is a mature thing, right? 

The point is, that while maturity is important, the life of a person is more streamlined than that. Maturity comes, not in years and chunks, but in milliseconds and wisps, and in a disguise different to each person. It's never really expected. I think one day you just look back and realize that you are the same person inside of a different person than you once were. Or vice versa. Something along those lines. 

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I will gather my remaining Gummi Fruit Snax and get back to writing my next article in order to get some monies that I may afford to finally buy the illustrated version of Tolkien's Silmarillion as well as fill up my savings account a little bit more.