The Garden of Eden

In the beginning, when God created Man, He gave Man a wonderful gift: the ability to do homework right when it was assigned. When God gave them homework, they completed it that very hour, so that when it was dinner or time to go to sleep, they did not worry about finishing their homework, because it was already done. Because of this, Adam and Eve found that time abounded and each day they were able to savor every second. The glorious sunny days in Eden seemed to stretch on forever, and the beautiful nights with starry skies never ended.

The Serpent came to Eve one day while Eve was doing her homework, and lured her away with the offer of a delicious looking fruit from the tree. Eve explained that she had homework and had not yet finished, and the Serpent said, "But why do homework when you could eat this delicious fruit instead?" And Eve saw the fruit, and she decided that it did look delicious, but said, "But, Serpent, it is forbidden. I have to do my homework." And the snake said, "Why? What is the point of doing that assignment?" And Eve could not answer. So she took a bite, and found that it was indeed delicious, and was much more pleasurable than doing homework. And she took Adam away from his homework and said, "Eat this fruit," and he, too, took a bite, and they ate fruit in the garden together. The next day, God woke up and checked His email for the assignments that were due at midnight before, and found that they were not in His inbox, and He was displeased. And He said to Adam and Eve, "You did not turn in your homework, and you must leave Eden."

So Adam and Eve left Eden and entered a very different world from what they had previously known. There was suffering and pain and death, and they were new to all of these things. When God gave them their first ex-Eden homework assignments, Eve sat down first to finish hers, but the snake entered her mind and distracted her so that she messed around online and hung out with friends, because that seemed more enjoyable. But time did not slow down, as it had done in Eden, and Eve found that she never did end up finishing her work. She went to her home and explained to Adam what had happened. Adam and Eve were confused at first. Where had all the time gone? But God came to them, and showed them how when Eve was doing fun things like playing on facebook and watching movies with her friends, the time passed far more quickly than it ever did in Eden, and she hadn't been savoring each moment like she had on Eden. God said, "Because you chose to listen to the Serpent instead of me, he will be in your head all of the time. You will no longer feel the same joy and strength to do homework when it is assigned, and you will suffer. You will not notice at first, until it is too late, and then you will beat yourself up while you frantically attempt to finish your assignments at the last minute."  

And then Eve wept, and Adam was afraid, because did not understand this new punishment. But God turned to him and said, "You'll feel the pain of procrastination soon enough, don't worry. Unlike childbirth, this isn't only for women." And Adam did discover procrastination shortly thereafter, and felt sorrow at his banishment from Eden, and begged God to take him back to a world where this new punishment was unheard of. But they had already eaten the fruit, and could not go back.